Short Funny Jokes & Riddles
We all need a good laugh most times to ease off stress and stay happy despite the challenges we face daily. Let’s tickle your fancy with our unique collection of funny jokes and riddles for kids, teens and adults.
Enjoy our collection of funny jokes and riddles. You can also share these jokes with your loved ones to make them laugh and ease off stress.
Funny Jokes & Riddles For Kids
Q: How do you make a fire with two sticks?
A: Make sure one is a match!
A: Make sure one is a match!
Peter, where did you put the sieve?
Sorry, mommy, I threw it away. There were too many holes in it.
Sorry, mommy, I threw it away. There were too many holes in it.
Q: What comes down but never goes up?
A: Rain
A: Rain
A child comes home dripping wet.
Mother: What on earth were you doing?!
Kid: We were playing dog with my friends.
I was the tree.
Mother: What on earth were you doing?!
Kid: We were playing dog with my friends.
I was the tree.
Q: What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
A: Bored games.
A: Bored games.
Teacher asks the student: “Why are you so late?!”
Student: “Well I was crossing the road and suddenly it says: ‘School ahead, go slowly’!”
Student: “Well I was crossing the road and suddenly it says: ‘School ahead, go slowly’!”
Q: What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
A: PRIME-mates.
A: PRIME-mates.
A prisoner is finally released, after many years in jail. He stands on the pavement, yelling, “I’m free! I’m free!”
A little kid walks up to him happily and joins, “I’m four! I’m four!”
A little kid walks up to him happily and joins, “I’m four! I’m four!”
Dad on the last day of school: So, where’s your school report, my boy?
Tom: Sorry, I’ll bring it a day later.
Dad: Why?
Tom: I borrowed it to Kevin because he wanted to scare his parents.
Tom: Sorry, I’ll bring it a day later.
Dad: Why?
Tom: I borrowed it to Kevin because he wanted to scare his parents.
Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry?
A: They’re always stuffed!
A: They’re always stuffed!
Four elephants go for a walk on a stormy day. They only have one umbrella between them. How come none of them get wet?
Well, did anybody say it was raining?
Well, did anybody say it was raining?
Q: Why did they let a turkey join the thanksgiving band?
A: Because they have drumsticks.
A: Because they have drumsticks.
Two ants want to fight an elephant.
The elephant looks at them: “Two on one? That’s not fair!”
The elephant looks at them: “Two on one? That’s not fair!”
Q: What do you call a train full of bubble gum?
A: A chew-chew train.
A: A chew-chew train.
A snail mama goes shopping and asks her snail child: “Should I get you anything?”
“Yeah, could you get me yoghurt please?”
Two weeks later the snail mama comes back: “Strawberry or cherry?”
“Yeah, could you get me yoghurt please?”
Two weeks later the snail mama comes back: “Strawberry or cherry?”
Q: How do all the oceans say hello to each other?
A: They wave!
A: They wave!
Raphael runs to his father and starts talking to him urgently, “Dad, dad…”
His father turns to him angrily and says, “I’ve had it with you constantly interrupting me. From now on you’ll speak only when I’ve asked you something!”
Raphael thinks for a second and continues, “OK dad, can you please ask me if you’ve forgotten to put in the handbrake and if your car is now rolling down the road?”
His father turns to him angrily and says, “I’ve had it with you constantly interrupting me. From now on you’ll speak only when I’ve asked you something!”
Raphael thinks for a second and continues, “OK dad, can you please ask me if you’ve forgotten to put in the handbrake and if your car is now rolling down the road?”
Q: What event do spiders love to attend?
A: Webbings.
A: Webbings.
Mommy, do you know if God has to go to the toilet too?
No child. Of course not. What makes you think this way?
Well grandpa knocked on the bathroom door this morning and said: “Oh God! Please hurry up!”
No child. Of course not. What makes you think this way?
Well grandpa knocked on the bathroom door this morning and said: “Oh God! Please hurry up!”
Mother is waking her son: “Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.”
“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”
“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”
“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”
“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”
“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the stupid school.”
“Paulie, first of all, you’re 45, and second, you’re the headmaster.”
“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”
“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”
“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”
“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”
“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the stupid school.”
“Paulie, first of all, you’re 45, and second, you’re the headmaster.”
Hilarious Jokes And Riddles For Adults
“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”
Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me!
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
Q: I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?
A: A candle
A: A candle
Today, my son came to me and gave me a hug – out of the blue. I was very pleasantly surprised – that is, until I heard him tell his father, “You’re right. She did gain weight.”
Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”
Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”
Doctor: “Nine.”
Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”
Doctor: “Nine.”
Of course I should clean my windows. But privacy is important too.
Q: I can be crushed to pieces but only if I am given away first, I can be clogged and attacked but that’s usually my own doing. No matter how many problems I have, you wouldn’t dare let me go. What am I?
A: A heart.
A: A heart.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”
Q: What English word has three consecutive double letters?
A: Bookkeeper
A: Bookkeeper
A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man:
“Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?”
“I am not Master Ayumu.
“Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?”
“I am not Master Ayumu.
Q: What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
A: The future
A: The future
Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
You don’t need make-up, Jane.
Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!
You need plastic surgery.
You don’t need make-up, Jane.
Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!
You need plastic surgery.
Q: I shave every day, but my beard stays the same. What am I?
A: A barber
A: A barber
Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.
Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?
Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?
Q: What did the chewing gum say to the shoe?
A: I am stuck on you.
A: I am stuck on you.
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there’s no domestic violence going on.
I proposed to my ex-wife. But she said no. She believes I’m just after my money.
Funny Jokes For Everyone
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
A mother is trying to bring her son to bed: “OK Ronnie, you really have to sleep now. If I hear ‘Moooom!’ one more time, there’ll be no ice cream tomorrow.”
*10 minutes later*
“Mrs. Smith? Can I get a glass of water please?”
*10 minutes later*
“Mrs. Smith? Can I get a glass of water please?”
A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly.
“So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.”
“OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?”
“I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intestines?”
“So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.”
“OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?”
“I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intestines?”
A man looks at himself in the mirror: “1 inch more and I’d be a king.”
The mirror replies: “1 inch less and you’d be a queen.”
The mirror replies: “1 inch less and you’d be a queen.”
A man walks into a police station and announces, “My wife’s gone missing.”
The police officer says, “OK sir, we’ll help you. Since when has your wife been missing?”
The man replies, “Since about a month ago.”
The police officer is shocked, “What? A month?! Why on Earth are you coming only now?!”
“Well… I’ve no clothes to put on anymore.
The police officer says, “OK sir, we’ll help you. Since when has your wife been missing?”
The man replies, “Since about a month ago.”
The police officer is shocked, “What? A month?! Why on Earth are you coming only now?!”
“Well… I’ve no clothes to put on anymore.
A girlfriend and boyfriend lying in bed cuddling:
“Am I your dream woman, Jake?”
“You are much more than that…”
(Girl giggles) “How much more, Jake?”
“About 40 pounds.“
“Am I your dream woman, Jake?”
“You are much more than that…”
(Girl giggles) “How much more, Jake?”
“About 40 pounds.“
A man goes to his doctor and says, “Please help me, doctor. I think my eyesight is really worsening.”
The doctor asks the man to come and look out of the window. “Tell me what you see there,” says the doctor and points.
“I see the Sun,” answer the man.
The doctor turns to him and asks, “Sweet Jesus, how much further do you want to see?!”
The doctor asks the man to come and look out of the window. “Tell me what you see there,” says the doctor and points.
“I see the Sun,” answer the man.
The doctor turns to him and asks, “Sweet Jesus, how much further do you want to see?!”
Two men are discussing their lives. One says, “I’m getting married. I’m sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.” The other one says, “Hey, I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.”
A man is reading his newspaper and says to his wife: “Michelle, look. Here is an article about how women use about twice as many words per day as men do.”
The wife responds: “That’s because we have to tell you everything twice”
The wife responds: “That’s because we have to tell you everything twice”
My brother went to jail. He didn’t take it very well. He was yelling insults and
attacking everyone, he even threw his feces on the wall. I don’t think we will play Monopoly with him again.
attacking everyone, he even threw his feces on the wall. I don’t think we will play Monopoly with him again.
Police stops a man in his car.
Police: Sir, what’s in that bottle?
Man replies: Water.
Police: [sniffs] It smells like wine!
Man: Oh no, Jesus did it again!
Police: Sir, what’s in that bottle?
Man replies: Water.
Police: [sniffs] It smells like wine!
Man: Oh no, Jesus did it again!
A guest calls the waiter: “Please try my soup.”
Waiter: “What’s the problem? Too salty?”
Guest: “No. Just try my soup.”
Waiter: “What then, is it too cold?”
Guest: “No. Please try my soup.”
Waiter: “Is it too hot?”
Guest: “No it isn’t. Can you just please try my soup already?”
Waiter: “But there’s no spoon.”
Guest: “Finally!”
Waiter: “What’s the problem? Too salty?”
Guest: “No. Just try my soup.”
Waiter: “What then, is it too cold?”
Guest: “No. Please try my soup.”
Waiter: “Is it too hot?”
Guest: “No it isn’t. Can you just please try my soup already?”
Waiter: “But there’s no spoon.”
Guest: “Finally!”
Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!” “Oh! In that case,” smiled the robber, “Give me MY money!”
Little Johnny: Mom, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Johnny’s Mom: OK, let’s hear the good news first.
Little Johnny: I got a B in Math today.
Johnny’s Mom: That’s good! And now the bad one.
Little Johnny: That was a lie.
Johnny’s Mom: OK, let’s hear the good news first.
Little Johnny: I got a B in Math today.
Johnny’s Mom: That’s good! And now the bad one.
Little Johnny: That was a lie.
After years of loneliness, I finally worked out a great dating strategy. I’ll pretend to be gay. I’m going to make tons of chick friends, really get them to trust me, tell me everything… and when they haven’t got an ounce of suspicion left – BOOOM!
I’ll get their boyfriends!
I’ll get their boyfriends!
My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as an inspiration when naming our kids. His sister Chewbacca und his brother Boba Fett are less amused.
Son comes home and yells: “Moooooooom!!!!”
Mother shouts from the first floor: “If you want something, come up and tell me properly. I’m sick of your hollering.”
Son goes up and says: “Look, I stepped in dog poop.
Mother shouts from the first floor: “If you want something, come up and tell me properly. I’m sick of your hollering.”
Son goes up and says: “Look, I stepped in dog poop.
I told my dad that he should embrace his mistakes. He had tears in his eyes. Then he hugged my sister and me.
Two men walk in the jungle. One has a gun on his back and the other one a big rock. The one with the rock asks the other man, “Why do you have a gun on your back?”
The guy replies, “When a wild animal comes, I can defend myself. And what about you, why the rock?”
The guy with the rock smiles proudly, “When a wild animal comes, I can throw the rock away and run much faster!”
The guy replies, “When a wild animal comes, I can defend myself. And what about you, why the rock?”
The guy with the rock smiles proudly, “When a wild animal comes, I can throw the rock away and run much faster!”
Guest to a waiter: “I’m actually quite sorry we haven’t discovered your restaurant earlier.”
Waiter: “Oh, that’s nice. So you liked it here?”
Guest: “No. But earlier, that meat might have still been OK.”
Waiter: “Oh, that’s nice. So you liked it here?”
Guest: “No. But earlier, that meat might have still been OK.”
